A Comic Cousin Reviews Songs from the Seventies

Ann Hyatt Poplin is Robin's distant cousin. 
When Ann posted this review on her Facebook page, 
Robin asked for and obtained permission to reprint for this blog.
MENTAL HEALTH WARNING: 
If you are prone to earworms, do NOT click on the links and listen to the songs.
May cause loss of sleep due to song repeats itself in mind from reading title of song.
DISCLAIMER: We are not responsible if you listen to the songs anyway.

A Review of Oldies
by Ann Hyatt Poplin

I just found this in the vault of things I wrote 5 years ago. It still makes me snickergiggle.

My long commute to and from work, along with my dependency and need to be entertained, got me thinking about some of the horrid music that was born of my era (the seventies). I always complain about my kids’ generation doing remixes and remakes of some of our greatest music, but then I remember. There are many songs that deserve to stay buried in the seventies. Take that as your queue, Sirius XM, and never let them cross your airwaves again. As examples, if I may.

Waterloo Album, 1974 Metronome Studios

Abba’s Waterloo: Really, Napoleon?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul Anka’s Having My Baby: Hmmmm. Just wait 5 years until the relationship falls apart and the DNA testing commences.

45 in 1974 United Artists

 

Debby Boone’s You Light Up My Life: Debby. This song is as nauseating as your awful lifestyle lift gone bad.

 

Glen Campbell’s Rhinestone Cowboy: I will give him a pass, because I think this was during his Tanya Tucker bar room brawling years.

 

Captain and Tennille: I boycott anything by them, because clearly, Muskrats don’t need a reason To Love Will Keep Us Together.

 

Eric Carmen’s All By Myself: Whiner, get a grip.

 

1971 Capp

Cher’s Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves: Honey, you should have probably cut your losses after gypsies and thieves. Just sayin’.

 

Commodores’ Three Times a Lady: I still have a visual of Eddie Murphy as Buckwheat, singing this on SNL (Saturday Night Live).

 

Sammy Davis Jr’s The Candy Man: One Word. Pervert.

 

Tony Orlando & Dawn’s Tie a Yellow Ribbon: Because every woman’s hopes and dreams hinge on her man coming home from

“Greatest Hooks plays it safe by offering the chart-placers among the kinda-country cult-favorite ’70s sleazemeisters from Dr. Hook’s catalog, as opposed to more of the fun-filled, comedic debauchery they’re best known and loved for.”
from Popmatters.com

prison.

Dr. Hook’s Only 16: Around here, we refer to that as statutory rape, homeboy.

 

Thelma Houston’s Don’t Leave Me This Way: Put on some lipstick, pull yourself together, and cover up your crazy, honey.

 

Vicki Lawrence’s The Night That the Lights Went Out in Georgia: This one really pisses me off, because it was actually in Anson County.

 

Mary McGregor’s Torn Between Two Lovers: Where I come from, we’d call you a slut. Pure and simple.

 

Anne Murray’s You Needed Me: Gotta love a whole song dedicated to co-dependency.*   

 

Lou Rawls’ You’ll Never Find Another Love Like Mine: I sure as hell hope not. That’s why I left.

 

Starland Vocal Band’s Afternoon Delight: I’m so over this one already. Please go do something and bring me the chocolate pie on your way out, honey.

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Feel free to add to the list with your own most hated [lyrics]!

Ann Hyatt Poplin is a Register Nurse, healer, Reiki practitioner, and all around hoot!

 

2 thoughts on “A Comic Cousin Reviews Songs from the Seventies”

  1. Robin, thanks for putting me in the spotlight! I appreciate your dedication to the arts, and most of all, to laughter!

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